


Sunday Dinner

by wanderingsmith



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2326499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingsmith/pseuds/wanderingsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh quit actin' like a queen, Barney."<br/>Flinching at Barney's choke, apparently on his own spit, Toll stepped a little closer to the over-sized blond, silently cursing the occasional reflex to keep the peace. The boss had been way too fucking tense since they'd got back from fucked-up Chile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunday Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought, so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with 'em.
> 
> [Gadhar's very hilarious Tibetanese Chanting](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2277312) was an obvious feeding source for this bunny's Barney.

Toll could really do without the days when he could almost *see* Gunner's suicidal tendencies take over.

"Oh quit actin' like a queen, Barney."

Flinching at Barney's choke, apparently on his own spit, Toll stepped a little closer to the over-sized blond, silently cursing the occasional reflex to keep the peace. The boss had been way too fucking tense since they'd got back from fucked-up Chile.

Yeah he was fussing at all of them for stupid shit, but this *was* his house. They might have been invited but that didn't usually include the new expanded Expendables invading the boss' fancy kitchen to comment while he tried to finish whatever the fuck he was doing.

When Toll saw Gunner fucking smirk again and open his mouth, he rolled his eyes and snarled, patience gone, "Quit being a stupid fuck, Gunner!"

 

Lee shifted his leg carefully to reach over and slap Barney's back to help him clear his windpipe, and though he returned Caesar's grin, he was also a little unaccountably worried. And was proven right, because when Barney finally breathed normal, straightened, and saw Gunner's smirk, his buddy's face darkened to something way too fucking serious for the situation. Lee jerked himself forward and grabbed fistfuls of Barney's T-shirt at the shoulders, "Hey!" he shoved a worried glare to inches of Barney's face, his tone half cajoling, half snarling, "Come on Barney, it's just fucking Gunner."

Ignoring the stabbing pain from his still-swollen knee, Lee kept his grips, forced to let some of his weight rest on his hands, and therefor on Barney, until finally, after a few too many tense heartbeat, Barney pulled his eyes from the idiot Swede to Lee and took a deliberate deep breath, face clearing of the unreasonable murderous rage. Taking a relieved breath of his own, Lee shifted slightly back to a better stance, not letting the pain show. Giving his buddy their usual bantering look, he grumbled, "You cool? 'Cause I'm not peeling you off him."

Snorting softly at the picture, Barney had his quiet-talking cover back on, even if the tense pain that had lurked in his jaw since Lee got himself thrown off a third-story roof was still there. "I'm good." 

Lee didn't bother hiding his doubt at that and Barney, for a second letting uncharacteristic tiredness sag his shoulders, slid a mutually reassuring hand to the back of Lee's smooth skull. 

It was a familiar gesture, and maybe his meds were just a little stronger than he liked, and he damn well wasn't liking how long Barney was taking to let this mission go, but Lee never thought of shrugging the touch off, frowning sadly at familiar half-lidded dark eyes as he tried to think of anything to help.

 

Long since done grinning, Caesar was passing a confused frown back and forth with Toll and Gunner as they watched the byplay, all three of them slowly tilting toward speculative curiosity. He finally looked around to see what the rest of the maniacs were making of it. Doc, who'd been avoiding the boss's mood by watching everyone from the fringes, was now staring at the two with wide, amused eyes. The kids had been in their own huddle since they walked in, seemingly automatically staying away from the boss, and were barely paying attention to the drama. As for Galgo-

"Are we not bound by do not ask do not tell?"

That got the kids' attention, and Thorn raised a surprised brow, "That's gone."

Maybe no one else noticed Christmas' jerk backwards, eyes widening and flying from Galgo to the boss, who froze, looking weirdly discomfited. 

Caesar just turned back to the others in time to catch Galgo's eyes widening in shock as well, a quiet hitch in his voice instead of that incessant rolling patter, "What? When?"

It was Smilee that answered, with a bored tone that sounded more than a little practised, "September. 2011." But then he frowned speculatively at the Spaniard, "How'd you miss all the hoopla? Was in the news for months."

"Oh." Now Galgo stared in the distance, face drawn and voice even more distant, "I was.. elsewhere."

Breaking the painful silence that seemed to ripple out of those words, Luna shifted a little, and Caesar couldn't fully see the Spaniard behind her all of a sudden. Then she snorted, posturing way more than she ever did; though it did a great job of drawing most eyes to her. "Not that an outfit like this should have ever been under those rules," she glared pointedly at the tall Swede next to Toll, "**Gunner**."

Toll, of course, joined her in glaring, and Gunner predictably rolled his eyes at both, throwing his hands in the air, "I was just fucking with him!"

Caesar wasn't surprised that even that wasn't enough to keep his old bud from muttering, though at least it was mostly to himself since he damn well knew it was wasted words, "You need to learn to read people's moods, you damn maniac. It's *not* always a good time to bug someone."

And ignoring all of them as usual, Doc was now staring at Christmas and the boss with glee that was only reluctantly caged -*he*, apparently, did remember there was a time to curb your tongue. Sometimes-. Caesar watched his mouth open and rolled his eyes; or not. "Or, some people need to be fucked with to remember to tell their team important shit."

 

Not having been ready for exposure, it was Lee's turn to have stress make his temper trigger-happy and he turned toward his nemesis with a protective snarl. And it was Barney's turn to grab *his* shoulders, forcibly shifting his weight back off his bad leg, "Easy, Christmas." Giving the rest of his rowdy team a measuring look, he added reluctantly, "He's probably right."

Still glaring at the self-satisfied bastard smirking at them, Lee grunted sourly and muttered low, even though there was no way the attentive crowd would miss it with all the echo-creating steel around them, "Nobody's fucking business."

"You mean I was actually right??!"

Barney rolled his eyes with a friendly glare, his usual tired grin just waiting to ease back out, given half an excuse, "Do I *look* like a fucking queen to you, Gunner?"

The dead silence and roomful of smirks had him and Lee rolling their eyes. When Doc, choking back laughter, was the first to open his mouth, the two of them threw him the finger and Lee tagged on a tired, "None of you fucking answer that."

Barney just shook his head, mock-sorrowful, "Bunch of kids. No respect."

Lee let himself smile as the tension finally broke, for now, with everyone uniting in laughter. 

Though he still braced himself for what bit of brilliance Gunner's opening mouth was about to drop into the atmosphere. "Well I ain't calling Christmas 'dad'!"

Lee grinned slowly, "You can call me Father."

 

~~~~ Fade to black

The sound of a storm door clanging shut is followed by that of the clothes of a great many bodies shifting in a sudden rush. Slaps and clicks spoke of concealed weapons coming out, and the shlick and wood thunk spoke of a kitchen woodblock being robbed.

A goading voice perked up once everyone had quieted, "Now me, I'd have chosen Governor."

A higher-pitched snort from near the voice was followed by stilted irony, "Why stop there? I go for Emperor!" 

A put-upon grumble from further away, "Lee, did *you* invite David and Goliath?"

"Now Barney. No need to hide the fact that you needed some *real*-"

The screen flashes to a shot of Trench ducking while Yin Yang rolls his eyes. And a chef's knife and boning knife flying towards them, six feet from the ground.

\--

Crickets chirping in night-quiet. Maybe the room is dark, or maybe the camera is off.

"You know we're never going to hear the end of that Goliath comment, right?"

A quiet sigh, happier than the complaint would seem to call for, followed by the sibilant sound of wide swaths of skin rubbing slowly on skin, and a soft, relaxed grumble, "Fuck if I care what that bozo does."

"..I'm OK, you know."

The silence was thick for a minute. "I know."

"And I'm just as likely to continue to be OK as I have for the last 10 years."

"..I know."

Several moments with the small sounds of people resting quietly.

"..Kiss goodnight?"

"Fuck yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> For those who like me don't know the fancy names for their knives and are curious, the one's I pictured Lee and Barney snagging off the counter's woodblock and throwing at Trench are in here http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f2/Kitchen_knives.svg/1184px-Kitchen_knives.svg.png


End file.
